When I was a child, my mother would send out invitations to all of my friends, and organise a party, and buy a cake, and make party bags for all of the guests, and then at my birthday party, there would be a point when the lights would dim, and a candle-lit cake would be coming towards me, with the whole room singing ‘Happy Birthday’.
Now, I’m 17, and I can’t find the perfect friends.
Friends that want to be with me all the time, and (even more of an issue), friends who ‘I’ want to be with.
I have gone through many different groups, and people other the past…. 12 years, and eventually I feel the need to gently drift away from them, and find someone new.
The person who I love, most of all, is my sister. I find her so much fun to be with, and talk to. Everything is so easy.
I also have a friend who I grew up with, and we’re also like sisters, but unfortunately, these two people are at university, and I am not.
Now, every year, on my birthday, I never have a party. I don’t want one. Even though I have friends.
My parents never buy me a cake, even though I drop hints occasionally, that I would like one.
My parents don’t sing happy birthday to me.
My friends don’t sing happy birthday to me.
I usually go out for a meal with my parents, but they treat it like just any other meal that we go out for.
The attention is never on me anymore, like it used to be.
It was a friend’s birthday about a few weeks ago.
She didn’t have a party, so her best friend decided to buy her a cake, and arranged for about 7 of us to plan a surprise party for her at school. She smiled a little bit, etc etc, but she didn’t seem as happy as I would be, and excited and loved, the way I would feel if someone had actually gone through the trouble to arrange this for me.
SORRY! I’m just rambling on about birthdays and being loved by friends and family..
When it is the birthday of someone who I share a special bond with, I like to try to make it special, because I know how it feels to feel the way I do on my birthday, and I wouldn’t want them to feel that way.
I’ve noticed that I cry on my birthday, most years. PRIVATELY, of course, and quietly.
Anyways, I was wondering if anyone else feels the same about this…
Oh yeah, and presents usually annoy me.
-If I ask for a present from my relatives, I feel like they don’t mean it. In fact, I KNOW that they don’t mean it, because we barely know each other.
-Also, I’d prefer clothes, but because I like to buy my own clothes, I can’t ask for money, because it’s rude.
-If I tell my friend a million times that I don’t want a present, she gets me one that is just going to clutter up my small bedroom.
I’d rather have something that MEANS something, because I don’t understand why I’d want a bear or a dvd.
If someone loves me, then they’d really think about the thing I’d want. You wouldn’t even have to spend money on it. It could just be a hug.
In fact, this year, NOBODY hugged me.
I am going into the hot tub with wine. You can join me if you wish.